Why Is Everyone So Fucking Flaky?

An analysis of modern dating

Hannah Furst

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Photo by Hello I'm Nik on Unsplash

Flakiness on dating apps: it’s an epidemic. And it’s spreading through the dating community like a bad outbreak of COVID. When dating apps first started, we were at, like, Delta levels of flakiness. It was bad. But we didn’t know how bad it could get. Now? The flakiness is like some mutant strain of Omicron, so virulent it can reinfect you every five minutes.

I recently hosted a series of speed dating events, hoping that we could skip all the flakiness and just, you know, meet. Remember meeting? It was what single people used to do in the olden days.

The idea behind my speed dating events came from Charlotte from Sex And The City. In the episode, she hosted a party where the single gals each brought a single guy. So that was my brilliant (plagiarised) idea for the event.

Overall, everything went relatively smoothly, but I did run into a few issues. Well, one issue. It was the… um… flaky *cough* men. Let me give an example from the last speed dating event. Less than three hours before it started, four men suddenly came down with the flu. So weird, huh? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say literally none of them had the flu.

A couple of the girls scrambled for new guys and we had a couple of spots left empty. It was all fine. But still. It…

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Hannah Furst

Award-winning Aussie podcaster, freelance marketer & screenwriting student. Some days I write satire. Other days I feel a bit more serious.